may 27, 2012
my new favorite word is nganga. the actual thing that an nganga is happens to be totally badass, too.
may 26, 2012
went to a great party last night at zaz’s with my boy, alain, mac, ag, emily, sam, gianna, ted, and evan. i was the designated driver haha, so i got to observe everyone getting stupidly shitfaced and took ag home late (like, 5 a.m. late). it was a lot of fun though, so great to catch up with those guys. and then my boy surprise-visited me here because he wanted to sleep; ted lives down the street from me so he came with ted when he drove home. he got here a bit before six and slept in my bed with me ‘cause both my parents are out! we didn’t sleep for long ‘cause i had to wake up to get the kids up and ready for the day but it was so nice and warm and lovey and ugh i just want to wake up and fall asleep to him every night.
may 24, 2012
this is what my backyard looked like five minutes ago… sun still shining, but super-dark thunderclouds looming and wind blowing like crazy… it was really cool! now it’s just all grey and pouring haha.
may 22, 2012
i’ve been extremely unhappy for the past week or so for reasons i can’t quite figure out. i’m gonna go for an early morning bike ride tomorrow to see if it cheers me up a bit. if i don’t go, you can hold me to it… i think i really need it :/
i also am dying to go shopping but i don’t have any money whatsoever haha
may 16, 2012
i think i may already be falling into a summer slump… living in middle-class-white-catholic suburbia is just not for me, everyone here is the same and there is nothing to do… i need to get out tomorrow and just go somewhere far away.
may 10, 2012
sometimes i just get into these spirals of worry that everyone i love will disappear from my life somehow and i don’t know how i’d ever exist from then on.
and it’s not like… it’s not like the kind of thought that’s like, oh, yeah, maybe they’ll just randomly go away or something, like i’ll wake up and they won’t be there. it’s like… maybe they’ll get hurt. maybe something bad will happen. an accident, a sickness.
and i can’t even handle that thought at all. i don’t know why i think like this sometimes but i seriously don’t know how i would go on without most of the people i’m closest to. my mom, my dad, my twin, my boy, my best friends. i wouldn’t be who i am without them.
i hate thinking about it and i honestly don’t want to, i just worry so much and i know it’s unhealthy and i know i should just continue to appreciate every moment that they’re here. i need to quit it.
may 9, 2012
readjusting to being home after being at school is REALLY HARD this time around
may 3, 2012
no i love you?
april 30, 2012
i feel like shit right now haha exhaustion at its best~~~
april 26, 2012
i don’t remember the last time i was this stressed and frustrated and just completely DONE
april 22, 2012
i just spent the weekend with my boy and it was just so nice. on friday, i drove to philly from baltimore, and when i got to him we took a lovely walk and then saw bassnectar in concert (which was awesome!). we then had all day together on saturday. we smoked hookah, made love, made a pizza, went to his friend’s house, and just generally hung out and basked in each other’s company. when we got back from his friend’s my athsma was bothering me from all the cigarette smoke that was there, and he took such good care of me; he’s the best. and this morning we woke up and enjoyed each other and then i had to leave… but he’s just so wonderful and i want to spend every day with him always and forever.
april 11, 2012
just times like these when i realize that you’re too good, better than a lot of guys, better than someone i could invent in my mind, and sometimes i don’t know why it is that i can’t spend every second with you, i want to be with you all the time and it kills me that i can’t be
and i know distance and the effort we put in to talk every day is strengthening our relationship but it’s also weakening me and i miss you so much
it’s enough to keep me wide awake sometimes and i think about how i wanna be able to just wish hard enough to actually end up beside you one of these times, i wish i could express to you how important you are because i know i tell you all the time but i don’t think i could ever really say it because there aren’t enough words in the english vocabulary
i just miss you, i really miss you, i don’t want to have to put up with not being with you every day, even if just for a moment each morning or night
april 10, 2012
i want nothing more than a dark room
nothing more than cold hands on my thighs
nothing more than warm lips on my neck
nothing more than you
april 6, 2012
- me: thanks for not hating me for being stupid
- him: what can i say, I love you a fucking lot
april 5, 2012
fuck you.
